This Too Shall Pass.
Is it really the middle of August? Is it possible? I feel like I've lost several months in a fog. My level of productivity with personal projects is at an all time low. I've been struggling to find motivation or energy for even the smallest and most enjoyable things, and it's been, overall, very frustrating to feel simultaneously aware of my current condition yet unable to bolster myself up to a better one.
On a high note, I am very aware of the root cause of my state of mind and have been working to find a way out of my current situation. Solutions pending, I'm in a state of constant limbo. More accurately, I feel like I'm on a teeter-totter alternating between high and low periods without the ability to jump off the ride.
When I can, I've been pushing to spend more time doing the things I enjoy, like sewing and knitting. In a weird way, they are my therapy and moment of zen. A huge reason I tolerate the nagging irritation of my weekday hassle is to afford myself the opportunity to have hobbies, after all. But, unfortunately, the scales have tipped against me. I'm finding that I have less and less time to spend in pursuit of those things I enjoy.
I'm sure that a lot of people feel this way about one thing or another. While I'm working on ways to change my status quo, I try to remind myself that it could be worse, so much worse, than it is. But, that only leads to a different sort of feeling, a sort of ingratitude and selfishness and guilt.
Even now, I feel sorry for reappearing, whining and complaining, after more than a month of blog silence. I haven't even stopped to say, "Hello" or ask how your summers have been; fun, I hope.
I have managed to work on a couple things over the past months. I found this lovely cotton print during a notions run at my local Joann store. Something about it immediately caught my eye and I instantly imagined it as an Alder Dress. After a little rummage through my button stash, I found some perfectly coordinating red, vintage, wooden flower buttons to adorn it.
Inspiration fueled me through this project and I sewed it in a single session. The construction was very familiar for me, since I've sewn the Archer numerous times before. Grainline's patterns are always a delight to work with. I find them to be incredibly well done. The designs are simple, but the attention to detail is superb and I always know I will end up with a garment that is beautiful inside and out.
I continue to remind myself that this is a passing experience and keep finding little pockets of sunshine between the clouds at every chance. And, I do hope to get back to my "normal" self soon. I'm at least to a point where I can see an end in sight, so that's encouraging!
8/15/2016 02:18:50 pm
I'm sorry you're not feeling like yourself. I know my own productivity fluctuates a lot, and often feels outside of my control. But I remind myself that, at least, fabric and yarn don't spoil, and the seasons don't change too much year-to-year. Summer is almost over and I didn't make a button-front shirt out of that black and white polka dot cotton? Enh, summer will come again next year. If I don't get to finish my white knitted cardigan? Which is taking FOREVER and I'm not sure if I like it? I can frog it. Or finish it. Or leave it until I like it again, and work on something else.
8/15/2016 05:30:58 pm
I can understand the whole "not feeling quite like yourself" thing that's going on. I had a breakdown of sorts in April and I've been working to right myself ever since. The first few weeks were rough. No knitting, no spinning, no nothing....except all of a sudden, writing took over (and not patterns; I went full-scale novel). So weird. I'm trying to right myself. Fake internet accolades from Tour de Fleece and Ravellenics are helping.
So sorry to hear you're not feeling yourself. I can totally identify with everything you wrote, having been in a similar situation for the last 9 - 10 months. Your comment about feeling guilty and selfish because you know things could be much worse (and are for many people) definitely rings true, but please don't feel that way. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself the way you would treat a friend in a similar situation. I hope things sort themselves out for you.
8/16/2016 02:36:03 am
First of all, your dress is absolutely gorgeous. I want one just like it! Second, we all have periods like this, where life just isn't that much fun and we have to endure it (I can totally relate at the moment). Get proper help if you need it, but it sounds like you are doing everything you can to fix things, so be gentle with yourself and quit worrying if you are being self focussed. Enjoy your zen sewing moments when you can. Maybe treat yourself to some special fabric? Or is that just my weakness? Me, I'm planning a sewing filled mental health day...
8/16/2016 04:16:00 am
Hang in there! We are happy to see you again, even when you are letting off a little steam.
I feel like I could have written this post. The lack of motivation, the guilt over the lack of motivation, the guilt over the guilt, the trying to find a way out of the life situations that have contributed to the lack of motivation...Although it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way (thanks for your honesty!), I hope you find a way out of it soon.
8/17/2016 09:39:29 am
This post really resonates with me! As a teacher I feel like I don't have any time from September to June and when I do finally get time off July-August, I have to catch up on housework from the previous nine months and thus don't have the amount of time to spent on hobbies as normal. After a rough year though, I have tried to make it a priority to get some sewing time in as "self-care". It's friggin hard, but well worth the calming effect it has on me at the end of the week. Best of luck to you in your troubles!
8/18/2016 01:19:05 am
Sometimes it's good to share. I've got everything crossed that your solution comes to fruition really soon and you're feeling more like your old self speedily. In the meantime, take good care of yourself and we'll be here when you're ready.
I'm sorry you're going through a tough time Michelle. I hope you can find a way to sort it out soon. I definitely find sewing and knitting therapeutic, but there are days when my energy is super low and all I want to do is cuddle the pugs and watch Netflix, and that's okay too. Be gentle with yourself.
10/18/2016 10:56:18 am
Thanks for sharing! It's nice to have a window into your mind.... :) Things do seem to be moving really fast this year! I've been a total slack blogger, but I'm telling myself that it's something I do for fun, so whatever. :)
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